It has been an unbelievable long time since I gave everyone an update.
My mother is a survivor. She continues to have days in which are hard for her, but she has an amazing inner strength. I find that every single moment is a blessing and that time is a very precious gift.
We are back home in my mother's house. And, it is a time for me to give back to her. I clean, I cook (when she lets me) and I tiptoe around quietly when she is asleep. Our talks will forever be tucked away in my heart and it is great to spoil her and see her smile.
At times I wonder where the mother of my childhood has gone. My mother's house is so still now. For back then she was filled with endless energy and a love of life that knew no bountries. Today she is quieter, forgetful and falls asleep so easily. But, just the same ... she is my mother and I love her very much and our moments of sharing are enough.
And, I am aware that this may be my mother's end of her life. She does not talk of death, because my mother believes only in living. She is very afraid of the next step. And, I can't go there with her in conversation. I wonder if that is the right thing. But, she is my mother and I won't do anything to upset her.
It is not easy for me to admit this to myself. Because I can't imagine my life without her here. Soon, I will have to return back to Iowa and I worry ... is this the last days of being with her. So, I struggle.
I will be returning home on April 25th.